Aug. 2nd, 2006 09:53 am
phoenix_arose: (matt and i)
I just wanted you to know how much just one call of text masssage makes in my day, it turna a bad day in to a good day and a good day into a great day

that everything here seems 100x better when i hear your voice

i know i don't tell you enought how much these little things mean

i love you
phoenix_arose: (grand canyon)
So yeah the head noise - not only is it wow ugly in here it's loud and it's making me crazy, strike that crazier

i have this nigglling feeling that matt's seeing someone in AZ - i can't prove it one way or another, so i'm left trying to trust him. The trust was broken over the winter and it's not really strong again yet so just taking his word for it - very hard to do. It's not like i can go check it's not like i have any way to check i just have to have faith.

Faith .... i'm feeling a little weak in that area lately al round - I'm afraid to surrend to Bast b/c i don't know where the road goes but the part of it i can see doesn't look fun happy or comforting. And normally i can roll with what ever path she is calling me down but i am so tired of fighting

I'm fighting with my bio family about matt and whether or not he's any good for me
i'm fighting to convence the one person who kinda liked matt that it's not a bad as looks right now - b/c it's not
I'm fighting with my self - b/c it really hard to stand here and clain tobe rational about my life and choises when even one around me who cares about me says it's bad then why am i still standing here saying no really it's goignto be fine

and work is makeing me a basker case as well no one has any answers for me ..... they are starting to tell people whether they are in or out ... i stillhaven't heard word one - so i hope this is a good thing

and ... the head noise goes on -- weeeee
phoenix_arose: (strangely comfortable)
so it's been a bit
well b/c i have been excising the head noise to paper for matt to see. I'm not sure that this is a good idea - it's likely to make him run away and if he does it 's beter to know now that the head noise make him run.

Any way

I did get paid .. there were no slayings at the friut basket

i had lunch with R and it was good to see him - i think i might have freaked him out a bit 'cause i was feelign stand offish - i'm like thta when i'm working - i can't help it

i miss matt - there is no 2 ways about it and i want him home now

School - matt's 1st test is today *thinks good thoughts for him * he studies alot this prenvents us from talking as much as i would like to - which means its a good thing i'm here and he's there other wise the studing would not be happenening

flying matt likes it - i'm sure glad i'm here - 'cuase i'd worry too much they tech him how to stall his plane ... that to me seems stupid (cause i don't want him to die) i understand why they have to do it but if i was there i would be freaking out - thus it a good thing i'm here

Work - it's moving on it's a good job and i generally can laugh about it 99% of the time given that other 1% is composed of blinding rage or crying but i's mostly a good thing

pets - i'm about to get a second puppy also a great dane she's one and still a puppy - this will be fun =)

Head noise volume has been alternationg btwn 150 and 0 crying generally resets the head noise - i've been allowing my self to do that when feeling over welmed and it helps go figure - i'm also writing down the noise which has allowed me to evaluate it better

i've been thingking alot on what i want tin a life - i'm living short of what i want so i'm starting to make changes to imporve that but as i'm in a releation ship i need to comunicate that to Matt as well - hence the aformationed letters

that was 15 min - off to pimp for fruit
phoenix_arose: (pawn)
and now for a laugh

You Are Scooter

Brainy and knowledgable, you are the perfect sidekick.
You're always willing to lend a helping hand.
In any big event or party, you're the one who keeps things going.
"15 seconds to showtime!"

I am worth $2,018,112 on
phoenix_arose: (pawn)
so.... i need a people to live with ... Matt wil be in Az or FL for the next 5mths- 1 year - and we are keeping the house it's a 2 bed one office/bed 2.5 bath in Cedar Park (north) and i don't wan to to be ther all by myself. also i have to very neeedy cats and a huge puppy all of which will love you to death

Why you ask well matt is goingto go back to schol to fly reginal jets =) it 's 5months to a year then he will be back he will be ack to visit dueing this period but i done want to have that huge house all to my self withte the 3 pets ....

*le sigh* T minus 3 weeks and counting


phoenix_arose: (Default)
Lindsey Swem

June 2013



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