*gasp* a real entry
Sep. 29th, 2003 04:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phoenix_aroseI feel unsettled still - Like i am preparing for a battle - and i don't know what it is but
Your Question: I am feeling unsettled, like i'm preparing for battle, what gives?
Self
Main (positional) Meaning:
Although a fond look at the past is pleasing and refreshing, your fulfillment lies in the future.
The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.
The Six of Cups symbolizes nostalgia and its power, illustrating two sides of your nature. When you look back at the past, your emotions soften; you feel tender, open and sentimental. When you look to the future, you know your will must harden; you need to be more powerful, directing the flow rather than following.
In the past, you were younger and lighter. Issues were also less complex and confusing. You were not empowered in the way you are now, however. The present is full of fresh potential while the past is two-dimensional, a snapshot of times gone by. It's fine to enjoy nostalgia and sentimentality, but when you have finished refreshing yourself in the waters of memory, come back to the present with energy for the future, where your scope is so much broader.
`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-
Situation
Main (positional) Meaning:
Your personal standards will undergo scrutiny and judgment.
The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.
When Justice is in this position, you may be facing some sort of judgment. There is no way to enter a plea or counter motion. Your deeds, thoughts and words are on display and the truth is disclosed before all.
Compassion becomes a factor only after full accountability has been determined. Hopefully you have lived up to a high standard and maintained your ethics and ideals. All attempts to dissemble or skew the issues or arguments are counted against you.
Do your best to listen, learn, understand and discipline yourself. Examine your motives.
`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-
Challenges and oppertunites
Main (positional) Meaning:
Be careful and clear-sighted in the beginning, with a look to the long term.
The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.
The Ace of Coins in this position reveals an opportunity to plant your seed in good soil at the right time of year, with a view to the long term. Think like a farmer. You want to provide the best possible conditions for your seedlings.
You want things to grow quickly so you can bring your project or enterprise to a productive state where the world can appreciate and benefit from its value. In order to achieve great results in the long run, you must take good care in the beginning. Gather the skills and tools you need. You are faced with a tremendous opportunity.
I think part of it is the need to stop fighting what the Goddess is calling me to do - and i think i'm going to try to be more magikally active - i've been denying that part of my self
thoughts about my H.S. graduation
When i was in high school i was always very spritual and VERY spritually energtic but i had no real outlet for it i started attenting any and all open rituals in the area - i felt so alive - it was wonderful -
i think that was the biggest thing My Casilltine and i had in common at the end - the powers that be were calling us to attend them - but in seemingly differnt directions (religiously)
the difference is he answered his call and i didn't - well it wasn't as easy as it sounds -
The goddes was calling me to skip college and spend 2 years to train to priestess, well one does not simple walk in and tell you methodist family "hey i'm going to go be pagan now and be a preistess and NOT got collage can you still shell out funds , please?"
So i went to college and tryed really hard to be happy there - but i always feel like i'm fighting - i love to learn but i hate school i think the focus is in all the wrong place.
So the goddess used a two by four - she did (braeking some laws of biology) the one thing that would have taken me out of college and let me have the time i wanted and needed to do the priestess thing - i got pregnate ON the the Pill with Condoms (grrr). To boot my doctors where amazed as well but told me that this really more common than people think - like that made me feel better
I didn't see it then, as the goddess paging - so i aborted [if you feel it's wrong don't have one - please no hate mail] i spent monthes healing my body and learning - i started listening better i stopped fighting so hard.
And now i am faced with a choise again - She is pushing me to follow my path, i'm just not sure how. and preistessing doesn't exactly pay the bills either so i suppose i still need college just deinfasized - i really want to teach - Latin - and help people - grrr toomany directions and not enought guidence.
end of rant
Your Question: I am feeling unsettled, like i'm preparing for battle, what gives?
Self
Main (positional) Meaning:
Although a fond look at the past is pleasing and refreshing, your fulfillment lies in the future.
The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.
The Six of Cups symbolizes nostalgia and its power, illustrating two sides of your nature. When you look back at the past, your emotions soften; you feel tender, open and sentimental. When you look to the future, you know your will must harden; you need to be more powerful, directing the flow rather than following.
In the past, you were younger and lighter. Issues were also less complex and confusing. You were not empowered in the way you are now, however. The present is full of fresh potential while the past is two-dimensional, a snapshot of times gone by. It's fine to enjoy nostalgia and sentimentality, but when you have finished refreshing yourself in the waters of memory, come back to the present with energy for the future, where your scope is so much broader.
`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-
Situation
Main (positional) Meaning:
Your personal standards will undergo scrutiny and judgment.
The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.
When Justice is in this position, you may be facing some sort of judgment. There is no way to enter a plea or counter motion. Your deeds, thoughts and words are on display and the truth is disclosed before all.
Compassion becomes a factor only after full accountability has been determined. Hopefully you have lived up to a high standard and maintained your ethics and ideals. All attempts to dissemble or skew the issues or arguments are counted against you.
Do your best to listen, learn, understand and discipline yourself. Examine your motives.
`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-
Challenges and oppertunites
Main (positional) Meaning:
Be careful and clear-sighted in the beginning, with a look to the long term.
The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.
The Ace of Coins in this position reveals an opportunity to plant your seed in good soil at the right time of year, with a view to the long term. Think like a farmer. You want to provide the best possible conditions for your seedlings.
You want things to grow quickly so you can bring your project or enterprise to a productive state where the world can appreciate and benefit from its value. In order to achieve great results in the long run, you must take good care in the beginning. Gather the skills and tools you need. You are faced with a tremendous opportunity.
I think part of it is the need to stop fighting what the Goddess is calling me to do - and i think i'm going to try to be more magikally active - i've been denying that part of my self
thoughts about my H.S. graduation
When i was in high school i was always very spritual and VERY spritually energtic but i had no real outlet for it i started attenting any and all open rituals in the area - i felt so alive - it was wonderful -
i think that was the biggest thing My Casilltine and i had in common at the end - the powers that be were calling us to attend them - but in seemingly differnt directions (religiously)
the difference is he answered his call and i didn't - well it wasn't as easy as it sounds -
The goddes was calling me to skip college and spend 2 years to train to priestess, well one does not simple walk in and tell you methodist family "hey i'm going to go be pagan now and be a preistess and NOT got collage can you still shell out funds , please?"
So i went to college and tryed really hard to be happy there - but i always feel like i'm fighting - i love to learn but i hate school i think the focus is in all the wrong place.
So the goddess used a two by four - she did (braeking some laws of biology) the one thing that would have taken me out of college and let me have the time i wanted and needed to do the priestess thing - i got pregnate ON the the Pill with Condoms (grrr). To boot my doctors where amazed as well but told me that this really more common than people think - like that made me feel better
I didn't see it then, as the goddess paging - so i aborted [if you feel it's wrong don't have one - please no hate mail] i spent monthes healing my body and learning - i started listening better i stopped fighting so hard.
And now i am faced with a choise again - She is pushing me to follow my path, i'm just not sure how. and preistessing doesn't exactly pay the bills either so i suppose i still need college just deinfasized - i really want to teach - Latin - and help people - grrr toomany directions and not enought guidence.
end of rant
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 06:08 pm (UTC)anyway, there are colleges that exist that are based more on learning than most texas schools' academic and assessment goals. you just have to look.
we definitely need to go out again sometime soon. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 10:38 pm (UTC)BTW, We all make choices, the trick is to learn from our mistakes and not fall in to bad habits. Anyone can tell you that you have done wrong, but no one can tell you what would have happended had you choosen differently. I wish we lived in a society where a woman was respected for giving life and was supported in her choice to love, but that is not the case, and as such, we all do what we must. Life is full of choices, it is the experience that allows us to grow. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 10:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 06:58 am (UTC)I'm sorry to hear about the abortion, but it sounds like you are at peace with the decision you had to make and I know it was not a simple one for you. I'm lucky I've never had to make that choice, but I stand behind my many friends who have, including my mother and my grandmother.
The past few weeks you've been less focused, perhaps even a little scatter brained:) You've been spreading your personal energy too thin in too many directions. School, family, bf, x-bf, work, sca, new housing. And you've found release by absorbing fiction (which I agree is a healthy alternative to daily stress).
You've juggled several different career options in the year I've known you. I certainly understand how you feel about college, I had to drop out three times and take a break for 7 years at one point before I found something I was truly interested in and could get motivated about going back and finishing up. No matter what pressure your family gives you, don't feel you have to go just for the sake of going, that's a waste of time, money and worst of all your inner spirit. My advice to you at this point is to scale things back a little, slow down and find your focus.
Too bad there isn't an accredited program for priestesses. Hmmm, establishing a pagan seminary with classrooms, library, dorms, laboratories and curriculum - now that's an interesting idea!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 06:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 12:07 pm (UTC)If you feel like talking dont hesitate to call...
Thank s
Date: 2003-10-03 06:58 am (UTC)