Volume 1000000000000000

So yeah the head noise - not only is it wow ugly in here it's loud and it's making me crazy, strike that crazier

i have this nigglling feeling that matt's seeing someone in AZ - i can't prove it one way or another, so i'm left trying to trust him. The trust was broken over the winter and it's not really strong again yet so just taking his word for it - very hard to do. It's not like i can go check it's not like i have any way to check i just have to have faith.

Faith .... i'm feeling a little weak in that area lately al round - I'm afraid to surrend to Bast b/c i don't know where the road goes but the part of it i can see doesn't look fun happy or comforting. And normally i can roll with what ever path she is calling me down but i am so tired of fighting

I'm fighting with my bio family about matt and whether or not he's any good for me
i'm fighting to convence the one person who kinda liked matt that it's not a bad as looks right now - b/c it's not
I'm fighting with my self - b/c it really hard to stand here and clain tobe rational about my life and choises when even one around me who cares about me says it's bad then why am i still standing here saying no really it's goignto be fine

and work is makeing me a basker case as well no one has any answers for me ..... they are starting to tell people whether they are in or out ... i stillhaven't heard word one - so i hope this is a good thing

and ... the head noise goes on -- weeeee