Far too laxy to spell check tonight - will fix in the morning

[phoenix_arose]

part of me really wants to know what the f*ck I’m doing up at this hour.... and the other part knows better - I got home and felt like i got a cold shoulder, got fussed for trying to help him with something then he went to bed I tried to sleep but couldn't -

There where far too many voices in my head to even think about sleeping so I’m up bothering people while trying to ignore and beat down the demons at the same time. it seems to have a remote chance of working I also have decided that some time in the near future I am going to take the extremely good advice of a old friend
SaturnIvy 1369: how do I get my "demons" to shut up ?
Azulus: ummm
Azulus: drown them
SaturnIvy 1369: thanks got a drink of choice
Azulus: pineapple malibu and orange soda
SaturnIvy 1369: ah I see
SaturnIvy 1369: well I shall remember that for later
Azulus: 100 pts extra if you drink it while watching pirates of the Caribbean and toast every time you see a pirate
SaturnIvy 1369: that. sounds like a BLAST! that's what I’m doing tomorrow night ! thanks =)
SaturnIvy 1369: *kisses[the friendly and friend only sort]*
Azulus: lol

Other than that I’m going to elements of magick class tomorrow night - I think it'll be good if I don't end up there then I will be @ PSA if the rumor was correct about whom would not be in attendance - not ready for that confrontation yet.

having second thoughts about what I was going to do for Matt perhaps something not so involved on his part - that way I have less room to be disappointed with anything

I shall see .. perhaps it will become clearer after class tomorrow - I always had the glow of grounded ness and clear thinking after words before so hopefully it will give me time to think about things -

It's been mentioned that no one would blame for letting my vow slip, it matters to me for a completely abstract reason - it shouldn't matter any more I just shouldn't but it does - why do I still care about what other people think ?

Comments

[lancehunter.livejournal.com]

I'd just like to say, one of the best things you can do for yourself is keep a vow. Your willpower is like a muscle, and the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. Taking a stand and sticking to something is the best way to exercise the will, even if doing it is hard (especially if doing it is hard.)

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

yes i know ... no vow slipping here . just pondering it thanks !

[nightdragon.livejournal.com]

i understand the "what other people think" bit very well. i still have that desire to be accepted... it's a very societal thing. if you don't fit in, you get depressed, etc. you have to worry about what other people think in order to make friends... most of those people who say "i don't care what other people think" don't really have a bunch of friends... anyway, with stuff like that, your real friends will still be your friends no matter what your decision is, but yes, will power is a good thing. :) how much longer do you have to go?

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

7 or 8 monthes more to go out of 13 we are getting there .... *pout*

[sitara.livejournal.com]

Why did you make the vow in the first place? It doesn't matter what other people think. I thought you had made the vow for yourself. Think about how you would feel about the reason you made the vow in the first place if you broke it. Is the reason still important to you?

thank you ....

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

i made it so that i could have some time to make myself and others focus on me as a person and not as just a body to have sex with ..... It was very important then - now it's about a medium inmportance - not ready to give up on it but getting restless with it. thank you - you as always have been wonderful! *hugs*

Need to sit and chat with bast and see if she feels the same way ....