it's been a year .....
Jul. 1st, 2007 06:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phoenix_arosefor those of you who are new go here Only a few pics of me nothing really scary
for pics that might freak you worriers (or mom's) out - please skip this link it's the pics of the car. the top of it was pushed in to the car so they could tow it - it was sticking stight up in the air from what i hear the night of the wreck
Reflection on this benchmark:
Matt had a test over something big and i remember the 1st words to laura other than confirming that i was fine was to call Matt and be sure to tell him that i love him and that i will be okay , and laura asked if i wanted me to wake him up b/c he had this big test and i said yes .... i thought he's want to know since they had by this point determined that i was going to be starflighted to Austin.
It's funny up until that point i wasn't really worried - i was able to move my arms and legs (i was doing that b4 EMS showed up ) i knew that i was awake and answering questions correctly and other then the fact that i was tired(which i was b4 the cow happened) and my legs felt like they were on fire , i thought i was fine no real reason for all the panicking but once the techs wanted to starflight me i got scared .... turns out i was right they were wrong but had they just not said anything i would have been less stressed. Well and if they hadn't tired to start and IV about 35 times (they never did get one in ).
The second request i had was to call mom let her know that i was fine and loved her as well - she promptly panicked and beat the helicopter to Breckenridge.
Enter the fluffy bunnies:
I was hit by a bull, i was hit by a Taurus..... Matt is a Taurus. You would think that perhaps this would have sunk in but no it took almost 6 more months to really get through to me. I said many times in the days after the accident this was the universes way of telling me i needed to slow it down, because the physical pain and handicap(not being able to walk) was much harder for me to deal with; as opposed to other types of pain. In a way this was the physical representation of what had been happing tome spiritually, emotionally, and mentally for several months, and most of the rest of the year. I know i'm a slow learner
My legs are still bruised - not like the pics after the 1st couple days but it's still there they still hurt if people touch them. there is still a lump on my right leg, it still runs a fever sometimes. The bruising is worse when it's cold or when i'm tired and (predictably) when i've been pushing them too much. I never finished my therapy b/c i didn't have time to be sick and work couldn't make time for me to go, my knees are still not right i'm not sure they are ever going to get back what i consider "normal" and i'm a bit disappointed by this - i didin't stop doing the exercises that they gave me it's just not corrective enough with out some of the 2 person things.
Matt didn't come home, i thought he might take a day or 2 to fly back and actually see with his own eyes that i was okay but no, he didn't and a year later that still hurts a lot. He barely called me, i know he was busy with school and with this other chick he was seeing (while lying and telling me he wasn't) it just would have been nice to hear from him as i had nothing to do for 3 weeks but lay there and think. he didn't come home for months and the thing that stuck in my mind the most was that i was worried that he wouldn't be attracted tome any more, b/c my face was all scratched up. He didn't help with bills either and that's not a huge deal a year later it's just bothersome. Like how am i supposed to pay bills when i can't even get out of bed for more than 30 mins at time on a good day.
Of all the things that people have a hard time understanding it's Matt's lack of coming home - i don't get it either but that should have told me something then it just took so much more pain and grief to get it through to me.
So where am i now:
in debt OMFG in debt - i need to decide about suing USAA for the remainder of my medical bills it comes out to about 5-6K not counting doctors visits and therapy and new glasses and and and ....
I am healing, both physically and emotionally plus the others. It's a slow process with a lot of learning curves that i don't like but it's getting better one day at a time, just like the legs
I have a great job - i'm not overly fond of it but that's okay. it pays the bills
I'm living at home to help the debt thing - it's going to get okay
On a non related note Song to download later:Casinos- then you can tell me goodbye
for pics that might freak you worriers (or mom's) out - please skip this link it's the pics of the car. the top of it was pushed in to the car so they could tow it - it was sticking stight up in the air from what i hear the night of the wreck
Reflection on this benchmark:
Matt had a test over something big and i remember the 1st words to laura other than confirming that i was fine was to call Matt and be sure to tell him that i love him and that i will be okay , and laura asked if i wanted me to wake him up b/c he had this big test and i said yes .... i thought he's want to know since they had by this point determined that i was going to be starflighted to Austin.
It's funny up until that point i wasn't really worried - i was able to move my arms and legs (i was doing that b4 EMS showed up ) i knew that i was awake and answering questions correctly and other then the fact that i was tired(which i was b4 the cow happened) and my legs felt like they were on fire , i thought i was fine no real reason for all the panicking but once the techs wanted to starflight me i got scared .... turns out i was right they were wrong but had they just not said anything i would have been less stressed. Well and if they hadn't tired to start and IV about 35 times (they never did get one in ).
The second request i had was to call mom let her know that i was fine and loved her as well - she promptly panicked and beat the helicopter to Breckenridge.
Enter the fluffy bunnies:
I was hit by a bull, i was hit by a Taurus..... Matt is a Taurus. You would think that perhaps this would have sunk in but no it took almost 6 more months to really get through to me. I said many times in the days after the accident this was the universes way of telling me i needed to slow it down, because the physical pain and handicap(not being able to walk) was much harder for me to deal with; as opposed to other types of pain. In a way this was the physical representation of what had been happing tome spiritually, emotionally, and mentally for several months, and most of the rest of the year. I know i'm a slow learner
My legs are still bruised - not like the pics after the 1st couple days but it's still there they still hurt if people touch them. there is still a lump on my right leg, it still runs a fever sometimes. The bruising is worse when it's cold or when i'm tired and (predictably) when i've been pushing them too much. I never finished my therapy b/c i didn't have time to be sick and work couldn't make time for me to go, my knees are still not right i'm not sure they are ever going to get back what i consider "normal" and i'm a bit disappointed by this - i didin't stop doing the exercises that they gave me it's just not corrective enough with out some of the 2 person things.
Matt didn't come home, i thought he might take a day or 2 to fly back and actually see with his own eyes that i was okay but no, he didn't and a year later that still hurts a lot. He barely called me, i know he was busy with school and with this other chick he was seeing (while lying and telling me he wasn't) it just would have been nice to hear from him as i had nothing to do for 3 weeks but lay there and think. he didn't come home for months and the thing that stuck in my mind the most was that i was worried that he wouldn't be attracted tome any more, b/c my face was all scratched up. He didn't help with bills either and that's not a huge deal a year later it's just bothersome. Like how am i supposed to pay bills when i can't even get out of bed for more than 30 mins at time on a good day.
Of all the things that people have a hard time understanding it's Matt's lack of coming home - i don't get it either but that should have told me something then it just took so much more pain and grief to get it through to me.
So where am i now:
in debt OMFG in debt - i need to decide about suing USAA for the remainder of my medical bills it comes out to about 5-6K not counting doctors visits and therapy and new glasses and and and ....
I am healing, both physically and emotionally plus the others. It's a slow process with a lot of learning curves that i don't like but it's getting better one day at a time, just like the legs
I have a great job - i'm not overly fond of it but that's okay. it pays the bills
I'm living at home to help the debt thing - it's going to get okay
On a non related note Song to download later:Casinos- then you can tell me goodbye
