Phoenix Arose

Ofically the PT is paying off ..... i walked very slowly up and down the stairs at my house yeaster day multipule times - i'm not saying i did it wel or fast or that it didin't hurt but i did it =) it's progress also on friday i walked down the stairs slowly and not too painfully =)

Healing is happening very slowly i and i can feel it my legs are getting stronger and i need to do my "homework" so that it keeps getting better faster there is maked inmprovement inthe bruises too soon i will be back up and danceing it will be good


I spend yesterday after noon at my ouse gettign the cable back up and the net work up and running i had to uninstaqllthe Mcafee to get it working but - that's okay i needed to get the phones to work and i'll have dad re install the Mcafee so that the computer is happy again =)


the housei also much cleaner there was aalot of dust in the house that needd to be swept and moped and the wood ned cleaned and polish and the energy was crappy so i light the house hold candle and someincense and did a mini grounding centering cleaning ritual for my house so that when i come home it won't be all wonky still


Talked to matt Last night that was very very vey good for me and and think excelant for both of us - i ned to be looking in to the cheapest flight i ccan get out to AZ in sept and i need to req off (done) hope fully i get it hope fully i have enought vaction by thn not to worry toomuch about it

i am desperately ready to see him it's getting better every day it's not perfect - but i don't need perfection =)

So i had to go out ot feed my dog last night - i spend too much on dog stuff but you know i know dallas is gettign a food that makes him happy and heathy also got them more treats and got austin a coller that actually buckles on so she will always have it on the other one always falls off i want to get Dallas a differnt coller too that is blue but that's a want not a need so it gets put off to another week month what ever. both dogs have food and they are difernt food so hopfully this will help budget and heath wise it's almost time for Dallas' yearly - so that needs to get budgeted in some time in set or oct - i need to get on line and order their heart worm and flea stuff. and i need to get contaners for their food so i can buy it in bulk and not have to worry about them running out on non pay week.


other than that i got the stuff to fix the dogs water dish maybe i need to looking to that bitter stuff to keep pets from bitting things (like the watter hose or i need to stop being cheap and get a second water bowl out there for them so that they can drink at the same time might be a better plan hopefully the new stuff will keep the hose fro leaking so damned much and therefore the water bill will be lower that would be nice =)


in otrher news welcome to super stressed lindsey wee this is fun back to work i go

i'm also not ready for my perts i totally tore up my legs / knees last night dealing with them =P

 so yes  have been putting off the emotional healing b/c i need to be physically better  be for i can even start on that shit - before the accident i was heading for a small break down ... i kept saying i needed to slow down, i needed a break, i needed some time off. I needed that timew to get my head clear - it's still not clear plus there was the accident. emotions quicky took a ny of the energy i had for the day - so here i am 2 days from going back to work and i work up this morning crying  i moved to the living room and  Stay cam to mind then a whole host of other things. i spent most of the moring just crying  while i pulled the lyrics above. 

I cried b/c i feel lost broken and un wanted, b/c i feel help less to fix so much in my life, b/c i'm frusterated that i couldn't go back to work sooner, that my legs still don't work quite right, that i'm still all busted up from over 2 weeks ago, b/c i don't know what the hell is goin on or is going to happen with matt and i ( yes i can control that abit),b/c strangly enough  i'm scared to go to work, b/c i miss my pets, b/c i can't do some things for my self, b/c i'm just frusterated.


the music video for what hurts the most  by rascal flatts .... was um very upsetting b/c that could have been excatly what happened  - i could have died several people have told me there is no way that we should have survived the accident at all .... that's just werid b/c I never had a "OMG-i'm-going-to-die" moment  all the way thru the thing 

I've also spent alot of time comforting the people around me who were/are worried  about me being okay .... to drive to walk to see to shower by my self, to do any thing - i've beent the one telling them that i'm okay i'm going to be okay it 's going to be fine ... that sounds funny  but that's most of what i did the 1st 4 days or so convinced peopl that i am really okay.

My eye color has changed  it's lighter and ________er ( been told green and purple) since the crash - i've been to the eye doc he says my eyes are 100% okay  now weird damage from the crash. 

i'm dying to see matt - now that i can walk a bit better i'm haveing that oh so  primal urge to have lots of sex ( just don't touch my bruises)  my doc told me this is normal - it's life affirming  it's also on a very base level an affermation that the cuts on my face and neck and the scares are not going to run him off that i'm not too ugly to look  at  b/c some place in there that worries me too. 

i just found out that i'm due back at 7 am on wednesday  that's cool one extra day -   i need to spend the next couple days  letting all the emotioanl stuff out  b/c if i cart all the extra baggage in to work i'm going to suck at my job   sigh i'm really tired now i think i will attempt a book and nap un till i'm due in at PT fpr the day

PT: slide your right arm down you r right leg and bend to the side as far as you can 
* does so hand goes to knee or lower on that side not back issues to speak of *
*PT and assisant make oh and ah noises *
PT : so you have always been this flexable ....?
Me : yes i do yoga 
PT : hey that's inmportnat how much and how often 
*I tell him* 
PT: well then .... this is goingto be fun 


Wash rinse repaeat for left side , touching the floor and back bend. 


later add in shoulders and neck 


untill they saw my legs ... they couldn'ty figure out why i was there  - i'll take that as a good sign =) 

 what was dome med to light massage on my back apperntly i am indeed a freak they do this "skin roll/ pinch" thing down your back and it hurt all the way to my torasic area  and stopped. They also do this poking thing and pressing and where the skinroll stopped hurtiung the pressing thing started to sent shooting pain down my spine. my PT tells me this is not normal .... okay so i'm not normal but i get my back rubbed with a hearty suggesting that i envest in a massage theropist ( start budgeting now for 2 hours once a week , need to find a away to get insurance to sover that )  alo was made to get on a sationary bike - which i could zoom around on but it hut my lrft leg so i had to do it slower  then i did leg presses with my body weight on a very low incline. then they had mty do ab work out becuse int he corse of examining me .... we dis coverd i'm sway backed .. i knew this it's not accident releated but i need it fixed so i'm  going to let them fix it for me =)  


now plan meds nap and cross stich

EDIT Laura's post is here http://nightdragon.livejournal.com/506562.html#cutid1

10 am on 07/02/06 i've had 5 hours of sleep hyere and surpiseing ly i'm with out drugs only at 3

10am 07/02/06 my legs look great they did wonderful baseball batt theroopy on thm ;)

2pm07/03/06 day 2 my chest was killing me from the impact and my eyes are turning black no that is not make up actually

2pm 07/03/06 bursing finally settlred in on my legs are we having fun yet ?

2pm 07/03/06

2pm 07/03/06

For the full story go here it's laura's journal she ws driving and walked away - only her feelings and head space are messedup n o physical damage 

me i look i've been hit by a cow - it was a 2500 lbs bull actually - i'kll wrtie more later when i can sitt up fpor longer with out slowing my healing process down 

My brain is not bruised  my lower legs are a mess but i am hbbling about 

my forehead well check the pis it's okay 

i am okay call me or come by my mom's house b4 8pm =) i'm cabin fevered 

healing energy for my body would be great calm engery and sleep energy for my mom would be excelant and laura forgiving her self energy would be the best thing ever