window in to my head space .....

[phoenix_arose]

i went to yoga on thursday called "transformational yoga" - oh my god i am sore - it was like get a deep tissue masge - alot of the knots that i had were worked out and the toxins hiding in there. oh yes not a good feeling - wellit was good but i felt like a ton of bricks hit me - it pushed me and ws starting to clear some of the mental bull sh*t. In Theory when your practicing you are supposed to be focusing on your body. how ever they also teach you that emotions hid in muscle groups. this is also the 1st time ina long time that i have had a miror around while i practiced - which lets you get a super good look at your body. I found my self agruing with matt and kris and hating how my body looks not how it feels but how it appears inthe mirror *HATE* that ws kinda surprising to me ... normally i don't care but i found my self breating me for letting my body look this way .. the pudge around the middle, the chicken arms, the theights that are too fat and just what i found with out my glasses on i don't even what to think what would happen had i actual been able to see anyting.

I don't know if it was the risidual gym effect or what but that was not good. Also found my self going over all the mistakes i had made at work and telling my self that i wasnot good enought to be hired and also all the b.s with matt that come ina flood .. it was really not a good mental heath day.

I'm still feeling a little off about the whole thing and i am 100% sure that this is hormonal in part, but it's makeing me crazy !

i had a GREAT time last night at the party though - it was good to see every one there and just chat and play withthe kiddos .... yeas there wewer babies ther - i on't know why but kids just love me ... it's that mothering everyone thing i think ... sigh i really don't wanna be in that house by myself i would really rather get a smaller apartment that could just be mine - that way i wouldn't feel like i needed a room mate -- arg i don't know but i' all tense and upset feeling today

oh yes and agrivated at the boy - "i'll be right back " gdoes not mean coming bak at 1 am tomorrow mornig ..... stupid males

Comments

[lancehunter.livejournal.com]

Wow, it seems like an intense time for you. I guess all I can say is that it's good that you took the time to do the yoga, even if you felt bad afterwards. Better to dredge up all the bad stuff and deal with it than to let it sit under the surface and build up too much.

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

yes irwas very good .. i'm doingthat class 2 times a week min - because it's good for me - i think it's been and intence time and i was just not payning attetion b4 now - so yeah release is good

[versa6032.livejournal.com]

"i'll be right back " gdoes not mean coming bak at 1 am tomorrow mornig ..... stupid males

lol. my roommate used to always say that, and then get back at 3 am. I told him he should just say, "see you in 5 hours" or something else.

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

or nothing .. i'm okay with "i'm going now .... "

[sitara.livejournal.com]

I need to get back to doing Yoga again, too. I know what you are talking about when you release all that emotions in your muscles, but you also know that it gets better, right? I also found that doing a Gayatri after a Yoga session helped immensely. I can see a lot of stuff built up in my muscles since my last Yoga Session. This is just a reminder. Sounds like a great class.

Also sounds like you need to get your own place. It is so much better living alone. *blech* Men!

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

i'm about to have my own place ... matt will be gone 5-1year - i stilllike men ...mostly