just venting no body freak out

[phoenix_arose]

part of me wonders if i should just killmyself - i know i'm allowing the hurting to happen  i can't walk away from it - i can't make it stop i can't make it go away - i can't walk away from it

 i know that loc=gically walking away is the best thing i could do - but then i don't get what i want i don't get any of what i want - i know i'm engaged to man who loves me he has a stupid way of showing it

i know know i'm engaged to a man who wants to marry me  at somepoint
 i know i'm engaged to a man who  i love more than works can say

 and i i know i love him  enought to endure this

 i need to know what's going on i need to know the staus of our relationship i need to know what changed or when it changed i need to know he feels about me i need to know what happens whern it doesnr' work i need to get all this figured out so i can work i have reachesd a place where i  can function i wake up at night and can't i am exusted durning the day  and i can do is cry  all i can think about his him - my life is quite litterally a liveing hell that i have no will to walk out of be the alternitive is quite litterally hell as well


he told me that where i move ti is up to me .. i told him i want to move there - he said no - well i gues sit's not really up to me

i talked to J. the other night ther was lose referance to moving here(austin) in the furture) that made me smaile -

 this is stupid i sleep better withthe ring on
 it's less restless but my dreams are OMG active

 all i want to do today is go home and sleep till my feeling crawlon their belly back in to a box where i can keep them safe so i can function like a normal human


work is sucky right now which is simpley makeing the other sistuation worse

 right now the best idea i have is to just lay down and pray i can sleep this off be this is my worst night mare

Comments

[greeneyedpagan.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
Call, sweetie, if you want/need to talk.

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

hey did the ipods get there with out issue i keep meaning to call but i don't get out of work till late

[alinedragon.livejournal.com]

The question is not "Do I love him?", but "Do I like him?" You can love someone till it hurts, but if you don't like him all you will ever get is hurt. Would this man be your friend if you wern't in love? Would you put up with this kind of treatment from a friend? The person you choose to spend your life with should be both, friend and lover. Is he just in love with you? or are you his best friend also?
Come and visit the cats will cover you in fur.

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

will you be at CMA my schedule is pretty full till that weekend but coming to visit is definatly in order

I know you're just venting...but......

[endora.livejournal.com]

I positively forbid you to harm yourself in any way!! Do you hear me, young lady?!!?
;)

Seriously, you pick up the phone & call someone if you need to. Call me. I'll be more than happy to remind you of all the people who think you're wonderful, and all the things in life you have to be happy about & to look forward to. :)

M is behaving like an absolute dickhead, and you deserve better.

Re: I know you're just venting...but......

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

I will not be harming my self - he actually isn't worth that - i promise no harm shall come to me i really just needed to get it on "paper" so i could go on with my day