Laqte night rabling

[phoenix_arose]

shadesong  posted this quote tonight  and got to thinking
I know two kinds of adults. One carries inside himself the dead child that he once was. The other is a very rare kind of adult, who carries inside himself a living child-- curious, thirsty for love, thirsty for knowledge..."

--Amos Oz

i worry that i will be not great at being a mom  b/c i was a child  carring a dead  child inside her .. i never did play it just wan't my thing  ever i can't remeber playing i can't remember playing with kids at school unlessit was in gym class and then i tried to get out of that by keeping score  or timing something  or anything


I just never played i still don't play i don't really play carf games i don't play board games well hardly every - sometimes i'm roped it to it but even then i realy have fun with it

Does this mean someting is worng with me ...? i mean i don't feellike i've missed anyhting by it  .. but who knows -


 this conculdes this portin of headnoiseby Phoenix

Comments

[nightdragon.livejournal.com]

it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. you had a pretty fucked up childhood and lots of people don't recover from that kind of torture. you have made a relatively normal life out of it. this is good. you understand lots of things about kids, and some things your kids will do and you won't or didn't. it's okay. if it bothers you, then at least you know that you're concerned about it, which means you'll be attentive to that issue.

the death of your inner child was not inherited. it's not genetic. it's not something that is wrong with your bloodline. give your child a better childhood than you had and the chances of that happening to him/her are slim. what happened to you should not have, and should not happen to anyone. ever. but it has, and it does. all you can do is stop the cycle.

are you trying to tell us something????? ;)

Playing

[rsimon.livejournal.com]

About two years ago, I had a long discussion with myself and with others about what I do for fun. And the discussion boiled down to how do you play, and what do you enjoy. The fact is that I don't play, not really. I enjoy certain things like sex, or watching television, talking to people, even some types of physical labor. But most people would not consider these things play. I finally stopped worrying about it, because to be honest, I am not that unhappy with my life. As long as I have a certain level of contentment or satisfaction, does it really matter what else I do, as long as it is not hurting other people?

I haven't played card or board games in a while because I play aggressively, to win. I find that other players will naturally gang up on me, and that isn't usually fun. The only game I have had any real success with is UNO, is one of my favorites. I also find myself not to be in groups were that type of play is practical. Overall, I like small groups of people I am very comfortable with.

As a kid, and a boy, I played lots of team sports, and some very aggressive ones, too. As a Boy Scout, cooperative games and activities were the norm. As I moved into teens I discovered complex board games (Risk, Monopoly) and RPG's. Now, I don't think RPG's are terribly interesting, and computer games don't even hold my interest. I own 1 computer game, and I simply do not play it.

Probably one of my strong memories of real enjoyment in recent years was a visit to Disney World. It was a bit expensive, but it was worth every penny. I would say that is the closest I have come in a long time to a few days that were worry free. I do not know if I would use the word play, though, I will say I had a good time.

To summarize: You are no odder than me. Surprise, surprise.