Phoenix Arose

In Europe they think over 88 is extremly hot ........ well i had thought about flip side but this would kill 2 birds with one stone - i could see spain and do a large burn event - in more tempearte weather and perhaps pop in to morrocco to see a friend too ..... come back via the UK and yes yes that could be an excelant trip

http://www.goingnowhere.org/HomePage

So I got a call from R. last night around midnight - i had been dozing in bed - i had hoped it would be matt ... no such luck but very good to hear from R. any way and i realized somethng this morning


Samtosha - Contentment, cultivating the inner joys which come with freedom from desire so plainly contentement with out apathy
i'm all my agony about matt i'm missing something - not excatly taking it for granted but just failing to approciate it for it's full worth. I have alot of people who do care for me. love me even in some cases are in love with me. So Why Am I Stressing it ... i don't know bu i woke up this moring and ar thoguht back on the breif convo with R. and releaized that i need to do a couple things

1 - detach for what others think about me and my releationships - it's goo to hear others options but i should not allow them to stress me this much
2 - i need to back off matt - he's not doing anything wrong i need to trust him - i knew this was going to be hard i encouraged him to go b/c he deserves to chase his dreams - so do i but one dream at a time $$ is all we can afford
3 - matt and i need to find out what is and is not okay for me as far as touch it's something that i HAVE to have wheather this means me goign tout ther by train once a month of him flying home once a moth or we open this relationship up a bit how ever we do it i don't care just needs to be done
4 - i need a vaction - work stress + not sleeping + money stress = crazier linz than normal - i need to take it easy
5 - i need to get out more this is hard to do when tired but i am just goignt ot have to force myself to do it - just have to that's all there is to that i need people around me i need to get the dogs out and social ize them - i need to make time to nurture my soul myself this summer



Good morning !!!!!!!!!