Jokes at the bands expence

[phoenix_arose]

How many trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could've done it.

What's the difference between a trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because the world revolves around them!

How many trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

How do trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."

What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up"?
"But Johnny, you can't do both."

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the trumpet players.

Three trumpet players are up in an airplane. One of them says, "I'll throw out a 100 dollar bill and make someone very happy." The one next to him says, "I'll throw out two 50 dollar bills, and make two people very happy." The other one said, "I'll throw five 20's out the door, and make five people happy." The pilot, who was their conductor, said, "Why don't all three jump, and make the whole band very happy?"

How many second trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't reach that high.




Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat?

Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health.



Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard?

So they can park in handicapped spaces.



How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.



What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.



A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looked at the selections:

Flute Brains, $1/lb

Tuba Brains, $10/lb

Percussion Brains, $5/lb

Then he saw a sign that read:

Clarinet Brains, $100/lb

He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know how many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"



How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?

They don't know where to enter and what key to use.



What do call a line setup by clarinets?

A curve

If lost in the woods, who do you ask for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?

The out-of-tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate that you're hallucinating.



What's the difference between the creationist theory of the origin of life and a tenor sax?

The theory doesn't have as many leaks.



You may be a redneck saxophonist if...

...You have an old bass sax up on blocks in your front yard.

...You spell it "saxaphone."

...You think the bell of your instrument is a great place to hold a longneck during a gig.

...The gun rack in your pickup truck holds a couple of old Buesher sopranos.

...You think that Boots Randolph is the greatest Jazz musician who ever lived.



What is the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.



What's the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.



When should a saxophonist change his reed?

Whenever a difficult section comes up in the music score.



What's the difference between a saxophonist and a lawnmower?

A lawnmower cuts grass; a sax player smokes it.

Comments

[dgtlghost.livejournal.com]

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.

What is the difference in a Drummer and a Large Pizza?
A Large Pizza can feed a family of 4.

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

i was leaveing off the million other intruments - one of my friends was a trumpet an i played clarinet as wass as sax - so does is girl - thought it might lighten the mood for them

how's your little one

[dgtlghost.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm a percusionist by habit, so I thought I'd throw those in...

She's doing really well. Had her birthday pary and got lots of stuff. That is always fun.

[eclectic-ant.livejournal.com]

Left off:

Whats the difference between a deer carcase in the road and a [insert instrument player here] dead in the road?

There's tire tracks infront of the deer.

Band Trip!

[crazyape.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the trip back to band in high school. Those were good times.