Spoons *poof* no spoons-

[phoenix_arose]

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf


Dear Universe and Body,

        I am still learning how to slow down and pace my self. Would be help if you could please give me more warning before you evaporate all of my spoons, thank you. I know this is asking a lot but i really don't like all of them going *poof* before 6 am makes it very hard to work. Am returning to bed now to hopefully acquire more spoons now, Good morning good night.

Thanks Lindsey ( who wants to know where her spoons ran off to )




Today i'm feeling frustrated because i was too tried to work,

Plans for last weekend: Friday i had to shop i needed at least one pair of pants(Jeans) with no holes in them for work. Saturday we were going to drive to  the hill country and go to a Grape stomp.

What actually happened: i got the Jeans, but  the Grape thing fell thru,  so i ended up makeing the chicken it took 3 hours to cook all the chicken. then i worked on downloading some stuff for my mom and the 50th wedding anniversery/birthday thing. then i wasn't sleepy, Fianlly  i fell asleep at 11:30 pm and worked my shift yeasterday .


Some place i lost my spoons - i want them back now please; and a doctors appointment BEFORE October as it's very frustrating to slow down if i'm not Sick it makes me feel lazy, if i could point to a medical chart and say look! see sick  then i would at least be able to push off some of the guilt i feel about being tired again and need to spend today alseep/resting.

Comments

[charlayne.livejournal.com]

I hear your frustration, sweetie. It's hard to think that something you can't see could be "wrong". But taking care of you is the order of the day, you have to remember that everyone is different and everyone evolves. I have to take it easy and sleep when I need to. I always take my naps, they are part of "my" routine now.

I also understand the guilt, you feel you should be doing everything 'everyone else does' and with as much gusto. But you would be surprised how many people have something that puts them down to one extent or another. Some are "spoons", others are stressed out and trying to juggle too many things. some are just doing the wrong things for their lives (drugs, etc).

You have an illness. What one, we are not sure, but your body has something going on that limits what you can do. I didn't say "accomplish" because there is a lot you can accomplish, even with this sort of illness. You just have to schedule your time around your naps and resting.

Hugs sweetie. And you can have a spoon from me anytime you need. I've got that candle lit for you.

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

The frusterating this is that while other people have issues of their own making. i can't schedule my "bad" days to be on my day off.

and i didn't do this to myself so it's not something i change and it be all better i think i'm at part 2 of 5 (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) there is no bargaining per see and i think this why auto immune patients are put on anti depressants be for they start working on the other stuff.

After you have struggled to convince your self yes something really is wrong, then you have to wait over 3 months to get any help or diagnosis you can't bargain with genetics, so you are depressed that he stage they get you at ... i think we need a better way to look at this and deal with treating it

So i'm working on accepting what ever"it" is that way i can get on with my life and do the things i want to do must get back to bed so i can work tomorrow and the rest of this week then drive to Kansas and back over a 3 day weekend =(

[charlayne.livejournal.com]

As I said, I've been there, am there now. Ask Lynn. Both of us took many months to diagnose and they STILL aren't sure if I am not fighting MS on top of the Fibro. I lived my 20's and 30's with the "Lupus" diagnosis and took pulse-pack steroids two weeks on, two weeks off, which has wrecked my body.

And they did find thyroid problems about 10 years ago, finally, but we just found out the pituitary/growth hormone thing and doc says that has been going on since I was 20 and NO doc found that out until last October. Once, while they thought I had Lupus, they also thought I had a heart issue and I was on meds for it. Then I had chest pains, they did an angeogram, and found that I had never had heart problems. The doc took me off all my meds and I was PISSED that I had been on that handful of meds for so long for nothing.

As I said, I understand and I know that you are going through the anger. And that cycle will go back and forth as things happen. I wish I could get you into my rheumatologist here, she's wonderful and deals with Lupus all the time. I don't remember how long it took to get into her but I don't think it was 3 months. It might be worth coming down here to see a doc first and bring your records so that you get a diagnosis and meds then transfer to one up there. Houston does have a huge medical complex and lots of docs. And you could stay here.

Hugs sweetie. I know you are frustrated and angry and I don't blame you at all.

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

I'm not big on taking pills, so they will find it hard to give me pills with out a barrage of test that PROVE i need them. As i understand that they "practice" medicine and so i want them to know before that start just giving me stuff, and i'm less pissed off today so that helps. at this stage it seems like i just need lots of rest so if they could get a diagnosis on paper so i could say like stay home and rest when i need to with out losing my job that would be best *grumbles* contemplating being an advocate for this once i figure out what the heck is going on

[blue-jay.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* :-( I hope you figure out what's wrong and it's fixable soon.

[perfect-drug.livejournal.com]

God me too how ever the doctor can't see me till the end of october so i just have to deal with it till then